Monday, November 27, 2006

writers block

Nothing terribly interesting has happened lately.

I need to read things that don't include methodology sections, I think. My brain is toast.

Nothing a little 'Bou won't cure...

Saturday, November 11, 2006

post-homework muddling

I can only stuff so much homework into one afternoon before I start including words like quantitiative and correlational into my basic vocabulary. I actually began analyzing the behavior of the children playing behind me (at 'Bou). If you care to know, they're engaged in associative play, just a step below cooperative, and they are fairly adept at ascertaining each other's point of view, which means they're probably reaching the tail end of Piaget's pre-operational stage...

Good lord, I'm going to write a flipping paper and all I want to do is drink my tea.

*sigh* There was more, but it isn't coming out of my head right now. Stay tuned...

Friday, November 10, 2006

it's very cold and rainy

I've realized that I talk about the weather a lot when I write in my blog. Not exactly scintillating reading, I'm sure. I guess it is because the weather frequently reflects my mood. Oh well.

Today I played hide and seek in the dark with my nameless charges (not the anonymous siblings) and it is worth mentioning that two year olds do not understand hide and seek in the dark. Don't get me wrong--the nameless toddler is a bright little guy, who understands that hiding is more than standing with his face in the corner. He actually gets behind things.

But, being the careful nanny that I am, I don't believe in letting two year olds wander around in dark basements. So I hid with him. We found a good spot behind some boxes that was actually rather comfortable because there were some soft sleeping bags next to us. I explained to toddler that we were hiding and that we had to be very quiet. He got a serious look on his face and sat very still, eyes wide, not making a peep.

Until the lights went out. In case you were skimming the above, notice that we played hide-and-seek in the dark. Which meant that before the oldest nameless child, who is thirteen, came downstairs, he flipped the switch. And this was too fascinating for toddler. It was so fascinating that he felt the need to explain it to me in great detail and proceeded to inform me, in very emphatic toddlerese, "Dark! Light! Dark! Light! Hide!"

Given that oldest isn't deaf in any way, shape or form, you can guess who he found first.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

So what's with granola?

I really do intend on blogging more. I try. I really try. Writing regularly is hard. Maybe that's why most writers are poor and melancholy--too much thought, not enough action. I like thought and action together, which is one of the reasons I chose to become a teacher. I can only think of a few vocations that involve more thought and action than teaching, and they all involve mortal peril.

So because nothing has really inspired me today, I am writing a regular entry. You know the type: "Today I had granola for breakfast. What's with granola anyway?"

In truth, I did not eat breakfast. I threw a pop-tart in my bag and ate it while driving home to eat lunch. I hate having extra time on weekday mornings; it throws off my groove. I have to be up and moving quickly or I lose momentum and feel sluggish all morning. So I set my alarm clock a mere twenty minutes before I need to be driving down the block, and I make a mad rush to get out the door. Breakfast is a casualty of collegiate life.

I eat breakfast after school (at 9:00) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and that's been really nice. I love having that half hour to drink a cup of tea and have real cereal with milk in it. I read the paper then, too. That breakfast time is some of my favorite time in the week. I need time to stop and breathe. Sometimes I feel like breathing is a casualty of collegiate life, too.

Monday, October 02, 2006

lady weather

Today I intended on taking my books to the park and studying under a tree. The forecast was beautiful--sunny with a high of 83. I am an ardent fan of indian summer, and I figured I would enjoy today. The crispy smell of dry leaves baking in the sun and the sharp end-of-summer grass are things to be delighted in.

Unfortunately, I live in a city where the saying, "If you don't like the weather, just wait a few hours," is often unbelievably true. The sunny sky that promised good times this morning became more moody than a 15 year old girl and by noon, she had a temper tantrum. Lighting flashed, thunder crashed, and the air was white with rain. All in about the span of 20 minutes. I came home from work to a puddly world, complete with soggy leaves and dripping branches. No park today.

Still, I'm not complaining. I love the weather here. Maybe its because I was raised in this climate so, like a child brought up on too much television gets ADD, I need meterological stimulation. When the weather is the same day in and day out I get stir crazy and start shaking my fists skyward. I adore not knowing whether to pull out a t-shirt or a sweater, and putting on both "just in case." I love the freakish nature and the total rebellion of the forecast, as though she yells to us, "You think you've got me all figured out! Think again, suckers!" And then she'll get all calm, cool, and collected. For a few minutes, anyway.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

that's...life.

I get eight hours of sleep almost every night.

That's good.

No, that's bad because I'm still tired every morning.

That's bed.

No, that's good because I get ready in the morning faster when I'm tired.

That's good.

No, that's bad because I get stressed out when I move faster.

That's bad.

No, that's good because the stress helps me wake up so I can do the stuff I would have done if I had gone to bed later.

That's good.

No, that's bad because when the stress runs out, I'm really tired. I'm so tired that I talk to myself and try and reason whether or not I have a reasonable schedule or whether or not my life is good or bad.

Monday, September 18, 2006

The Glory that is 50

Over a year later, I have attained a glorious victory in blogdom.

I, esteemed visitor, have reached the 50th post.

I have carefully considered this moment of jubilee. How best to acknowledge the passage of all these words and thoughts? How best to commemorate the insight, the wit, the irregularity, and the general randomness of all that is Tiny Specks?

I thought about doing a flashback montage of the best moments of the blog, but bad 90s sit-coms kept interferring with my thoughts. I then decided to create some sort of ode hailing the epic side of the blog, but as you know, I'm not the over the top type. Finally, I debated taking a picture of myself sitting at my computer with the blog on the screen, smiling happily, but that screamed myspace, and I'm not in middle school.

So then I decided that, given the blog's history, I should simply follow tradtion and continue in the pattern which has underscored my entire blogging experience. I simply won't post at all.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. There is no 50th post. It is the gap between post 49 and this one, which is officially the 51st. All hail the little black space.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

young adultness

I lost three things yesterday--my pen, my notebook, and my brain.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. For the past few weeks, my mind has been a puddle of mushy, foggy information. I have a rehearse my day in my mind while I brush my teeth or I swear I'd forget to go to school. I might even forget to stop brushing my teeth. It's that bad.

I thought I was going mental. Seriously, who can't manage their life? My mother forgets things sometimes, but she has six other people to keep track of. I'm only a college student.

That was the epiphany. I'm only a college student. They call us "young adults" because--get this--we aren't adults yet. We're still figuring that out. I'm in the process of learning how to manage my time, prioritize my schedule, and call people back within a reasonable amount of time. (Sorry, Marc.) And for a college student, I'm doing pretty well. In fact, I think I'm even getting better at it. Pretty sweet and awesome.

I even do my laundry every other week.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Defying Gravity

I recently signed up for Yahoo's Music Unlimited, and one of the treasures I've found is the soudtrack to Wicked, the greatest musical I have ever seen.

I've always wanted to fly, and this song, well, I'd like to be able to have you hear it, because it totally strikes a chord in my heart.

Elphaba:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda:
Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur...?

Elphaba:
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do - together.

Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been, Glinda,
Dreams the way we planned 'em

Glinda:
If we work in tandem

Both:
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

...

Elphaba:
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately -
Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me -

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity!
I'm flying high
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I know I'm copping out of a real post, but what the heck. It is my favorite song right now. So sue me. Isn't it a lovely song?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

what drives YOU?

In case you were wondering about those resolutions, I did two loads of laundry today. And, uh, a paper that is kind of due in about ten hours...

I learned today that Newton was an idiot. Yes, that Newton. Apple on the head "whoops, gravity" Newton. As a small child, I always wondered what people thought when apples fell before. I mean, it took until the reinassance for people to notice that things fall when dropped? Seriously, I'd give more credit to humankind that that.

Anyway
, today I discovered that this brilliant physicist, inventor of gravity, finder of the laws of motion and lauded as the father of classical mechanics, died of mercury poison. Why?

He spent most of his life trying to turn iron into gold.

Oh well. At least his cookies are good.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ballet Slippers

Today I danced again. I love dancing. I love the satisfying ache of hard work that goes with accomplishment. I love the way ballet combines graceful beauty and iron strength.

I also love modern plumbing's amazing gift: the hot bath.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Labor Day

This is America:

We create a holiday to celebrate the working public, the remnants of that good ole Puritan work ethic, and capitalist pride across the nation.

Then we give everyone the day off.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

The September Resolutions

As a teacher in the making, the New Year begins not in January, but in September. Therefore, this is the time of the resolution, and I have decided to make a few. And so, without furthur ado, the September Resolutions:

1) Inasmuch (a wonderful word, no?) that it depends on me, I shall blog regularly. Discipline is necessary to one living a scheduled life, and writing is good for my mind and occasionally, my heart. Journalling really isn't an option for me, as I have no penchant for writer's cramp. My mom blames this on the fact that I cannot hold my pencil correctly; I blame it on the fact that I have a low pain tolerance in my hands. You should see me when I have a hangnail.

2) Procrastination is not an option. All reading and assignments will be done at least two days before they are due. That is, as soon as all my books arrive from the mysterious world of cyberspace. Of course, there are a few quid pro quos pertaining to trivial distractions like death and disease, but I'll spare you the details.

3) I will only worry about one thing every day. Once I have worried about it sufficiently, I will stop worrying and not worry again until the next day. I considered vowing not to worry at all, but imediately began to fret over whether or not such a thing would be possible, and realized that by making such a promise, I should break it every day by simply worrying that I would break it, and the point of resolutions is not torture. Well, usually.

4) I will read books that aren't related to school. I think the lack of well-written fiction in my life has been the primary factor in the decline of my writing, both in skill and volume. When I do not read, I am less curious, less motivated to think, and less happy. In truth, reading prevents me from being a rather dull, spiritless individual.

5) I will take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There you have it. The five resolutions of an elementary teacher in training. And there was much rejoicing. Woot.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Letters

I got six letters today. Oh, the happy times of bliss. Getting letters used to be so much fun...so magical. You write it, lick the envelope, lick the stamp (ooh, I feel old-ish) place it in the magical blue box on Broadway, and then someone would write back and--oh! My heart leaps to think of it.

No, you see, now I am to be an adult, and do boring things like earn money and fill out paperwork. Now I am to recieve dull, tedious business sized envelopes that contain boring, spiritless documents. Truly, the word "letter" doesn't apply. No, dearest reader, these are the kind of letters that suck the very life from the romance that is the mailman.

The Letters
in the order I opened them.

The first letter was from Waubonsee, informing me that I owe them money for summer classes. Therefore, I need to go to the financial aid office tomorrow and tell them I need money. Then I will take the money, walk ten feet around a corner and hand it back to them.

The second letter was from the Illinois student Assistance Commission, informing me that I am elilible for a MAP grant, provided I do x, complete y, and fill out z. I've already done the first two.

The third and fourth letters were from the National Evaluation System in cooperation with the Illinois Certification Testing System. Apparently my "basic skills" will be tested shortly, and I am UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES to bring a cell phone. The letter is very clear on this point.

The fifth letter was from the Mayor of Aurora. He thinks I should go to AU. I'm so glad, because now I can finalize my decision. Before I was a bit wishy-washy as to whether or not I should attend AU, which is why I registered, but now that the Mayor wants me there I simply cannot say no. I mean, the Mayor of the second largest town in Illinois took the time to tell me where he thinks I should go to school. Too bad I can't remember what his name is.

The sixth and final letter was also from Waubonsee, informing me that my 4.0 remains intact. Let there be feasting and much rejoicing among all the good peoples of the earth.

So you see, for me, mail has transformed into a drab moment in my rather colorful existence. May you, dear reader, be more lucky than I.

I apologize for the strangeness of this entry. My sanity leaves at about one am, followed shortly by common sense which is closely followed by wit, and you poor readers are left with only scraps of the brilliance that comprises my being--and a whopping dose of vanity on the side.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Laughter

I got out of my car tonight and the air smelled of spring. The air held a quiet, earthy dampness which though muffled by the chilly evening, eeked through the tree branches, gently twitching them aside as if to say, "Excuse me, I'm coming in now," like Cinderella shyly entering the ball.

Soon enough, Spring, you'll explode. The crocuses are hinting yellow and purple, and even the laughter of the daffodils is beginning to echo beneath the icy wind. For now, you may continue your coquettry. Winter is a thing to be laughed away.

In my heart there is Spring, too. I am not laughing quite yet, but the smile within my soul is growing. I have lived in winter for a very long time now. The human heart is not created for winters, you see. Rather, mine clamors for beauty, for light, for laughter, and for love. There is certainly beauty to be found in Winter, for there is always hope in winter, and true hope is always lovely to look at. Hope is lovely because if it is real, it is not dissapointed. There is always Spring. Aslan will return. A King will find his Princess. Her soul will laugh louder than a host of daffodils.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Apologies

The internet is a magical wonder. Apparently it is of the realm of technology, but in truth it is a deep and mystical power that my computer cannot grasp, for indeed, it loses this secret capability frequently.

You see, my computer is not gifted socially. It's a bit of a nerd. Therefore I, who am not a nerd, appear as one because my computer is far to shy to maintain connections with the outside world. Poor Bill.* I forgive you.

I hope all two of my faithful readers will forgive Bill as well. We're working on it, Bill and I. He is working through some issues and rediscovering his inner motherboard.

If you'll excuse me, I am going to eat lunch and then go outside, for it is a lovely day.


*Bill is apparently the name of my computer. I didn't name it that, but on the network description it shows up as "Bill" not "ANNAPC" which is what I named it. Creepy? You bet.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Smile Mornings


Sometimes I wish I was five and doing this would get me picked up.
That's why I have Jesus. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

The First Day

...of the rest of my life.

I went back to school today. It cost me $960 in tution and will probably cost me another $400 in books. Does anyone notice anything wrong with that? It's simply not right. A math book that I will never refer to again should not cost $120, and if it does, it should be on all of the used book sites because all the poor students should be trying to get some of that precious cash back into their poor bank accounts. Yet I have searched all the sites to no avail. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It's actually more expensive online. So tomorrow I will walk the death march down the corridors of the downtown campus and fork over the dough. Why do they pick on the college students?

I did find my $95 music book for $16 online. The cover has been ripped off and it's highlighted. As if I care.

I got engaged, too. The wedding will be in a year and a half, and right now, I'm so poor I almost wish it was longer. But I am happy, and so not all will ever be lost.

In history (American History to 1865) we made groups and had to figure out what we all had in common. We were all white, we were all sophomores, we all liked chocolate, we were all tired, and though no one said it, we were all christians. Not just any christians. We were youth ministry and missions majors. Except me. I was so bummed I kept my mouth shut. Maybe they'll witness to me. Somehow I doubt that. I seriously dislike this town.

In Literature my teacher lovingly told me and the girl behind me that we were "a couple of smart a****" because the last books we've read were Jane Eyre and a Tale of Two Cities. Maybe I can be friends with him. I think he likes me already.

In my music class we were told that though we might not sing beautifully, there is something beautiful about each and every one of us, whether anyone knows it or not, and that our job as teachers will be to find the beauty in each and every child that walks through our classroom, and then to help that beauty grow. He loves Jesus. His eyes are real. (he also plays in church every Sunday)

To sum it up, I'm not very impressed with school. But I'm growing in a different way right now; I'm learning self-discipline and the value of being prepared. Thomas H. Huxley says it the best:

"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly."

So off I go, to finish applying for financial aid and redeem my money. Then I shall read the 100 odd pages of homework I have to do. If I cannot redeem my time, I will have at least learned something of the value of hard work.