Setting: The anonymous dinner table, this time eating anonymous chicken steak sandwiches.
Anonymous Youngest Child begins pouring himself the milk. Reader should note that he has already succeeded in pouring the water all over the table before the events illustrated below.
Anonymous Older Brother: (believing that Anonymous Youngest Child might suffer from inadaquate depth perception) Hey, watch it! Let me help you! (Anonymous Youngest Child ignores him) Stop it!
Anonymous Little Sister: Hey, Anonymous Youngest Child, STOP! (Anonymous Youngest Child ignores her)
Anonymous Middle Sister and Anonymous Older Sister: (in stereo) Stop! (Anonymous Youngest Child proceeds to pour the milk)
Anonymous Siblings: Stop! (Anonymous Youngest Child wrinkles his nose and continues to pour. The glass wiggles ominously.)
Anonymous Older Brother: (stops shrieking like female siblings) Okay, look, let me do it. (takes glass and milk and pours it)
Anonymous Middle Sister: (condescendingly) Anonymous Youngest Child, you need to listen when people are talking to you. You already spilled the--
Anonymous Older Brother, Older Sister, and Little Sister: (in a tone of "can it already, chica") Anonymous Middle Sister...
Anonymous Middle Sister: Okay, okay. (Anonymous Youngest Child has developed a milk mustache)
Anonymous Father: You know, Anonymous Mother, I think they don't need us anymore. They can self-parent now.
Anonymous Little Sister: (grins like a jack 'o lantern) Does that mean Anonymous Middle Sister has to do whatever I say?
Anonymous Middle Sister: (ready to leap across the cucumbers and strangle Anonymous Little Sister) Oh, don't you even try that on me! You just...
The Anonymous Parents decide that the children might need a little more parenting after all. Anonymous Older Sister does the dishes.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
The Love Life of Anonymous Little Sister
Setting: An anonymous family is eating anonymous stir-fry around an anonymous dinner table. The anonymous conversation drifts toward very anonymous guys.
Anonymous Middle Sister: Well, I think Anonymous Little Sister likes So&So.
Anonymous Little Sister: I do not!
Anonymous Middle Sister: You said he was cute! I saw him and he got his hair cut now.
Anonymous Mother: (realizes what the Anonymous sisters are talking about) Anonymous Little Sister is starting to like boys? When did I miss that one?
Anonymous Little Sister: Well, I only kind of do. Sometimes I look at So&So and I'm all like, "Whoa." (pauses for dramatic effect, eyes wide. Or maybe now is a 'whoa' moment) And then the next time I see him I'm like, "Eeeeewww." (makes a face and sticks tongue out) But then I see him again and I'm all like "Whoa." (pauses and contemplates the ceiling for a moment) Maybe it's because I don't get enough sleep at night. That's probably it.
This re-telling is Anonymous by the demands of Anonymous Little Sister. May she live forever.
Anonymous Middle Sister: Well, I think Anonymous Little Sister likes So&So.
Anonymous Little Sister: I do not!
Anonymous Middle Sister: You said he was cute! I saw him and he got his hair cut now.
Anonymous Mother: (realizes what the Anonymous sisters are talking about) Anonymous Little Sister is starting to like boys? When did I miss that one?
Anonymous Little Sister: Well, I only kind of do. Sometimes I look at So&So and I'm all like, "Whoa." (pauses for dramatic effect, eyes wide. Or maybe now is a 'whoa' moment) And then the next time I see him I'm like, "Eeeeewww." (makes a face and sticks tongue out) But then I see him again and I'm all like "Whoa." (pauses and contemplates the ceiling for a moment) Maybe it's because I don't get enough sleep at night. That's probably it.
This re-telling is Anonymous by the demands of Anonymous Little Sister. May she live forever.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
The Education of the Anonymous Short Ones
Scene 1:
Anonymous Youngest Child: (reading his science book) "Oh, that's why I have spit in my mouth. I always wondered why I had spit in my mouth."
Anonymous Little Sister: "Saliva, Youngest Child. Saliva."
Week three of the Education of the Anonymous Short People has begun.Though their science books are different, they run along similar tracks, so right now they are both learning about...digestion! Oh yeah, it's that exciting. What else would cause a ten-year-old to spend the entire time she was eating lunch trying to swallow holding onto her tongue (to see if she could because her book said she couldn't) and an eight-year-old to stare at a mirror saying "aaaaaahhhhhhhh" for a good five minutes in order to see his uvula (that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat that you always see when cartoon characters scream)
Scene 2:
Anonymous Youngest Child is staring out of the window instead of concentrating like a good little boy should on his lovely little math lesson.
Me: (fearing another school day iiinnnncccchhhiiinng till 4 o'clock) Youngest Child? Hey! Youngest Child! (he jumps, startled.) Can I close the curtain for you so that you don't get distracted and stare out the window?
Anonymous Youngest Child: (eyes wide in horror) No! That wouldn't help! If you did that then I would just stare at the curtain!
Anonymous Little Sister: (from across the room) Youngest Child, you are so weird.
Scene 3:
Setting: School Room/Parent's Room. Anonymous Youngest Child is working at his desk. I am sitting on the bed grading math. Anonymous Little Sister is on the floor cutting up magazines for a project about eating good food. Rain falls steadily into the flooded street in the background.
Aononymous Youngest Child: (reading his science book) "Speaking of digestion, I really need to go to the bathroom!" (he jumps up and runs out of the room. Little Sister and I exchange a Glance.)
Yes, we are still in the mysterious world of digestion. We've moved away from the mouth and are now learning all about the amazing, wonderous tube known as the small intestine, which we discovered is 23 ft. long. The large intestine is only about 7ft. long. So then we had to figure out why they gave them such misnomers...trust me, you don't want to know. But Youngest Child did. I just want to stop moving along. It's getting kind of gross. Why don't people photosynthesize?
It's still raining.
And that was just science.
Ben left today to live on his own. I miss him. He's teaching English over near Phaya Thai, about 40 minutes away from me over here in Bang Na. To get there you take a mini pickup truck down to the main road (from the soi to the thanon) and then a bus to the skytrain. Then you take the skytrain from On Nut to Phaya Thai and walk across the intersection. The whole trip costs around $1.25 (cheaper if you take an un-airconditioned bus.)
Now I have a bad headache, probably another sinus thing brought on by the nasty smog the stupid buses create. But I'll drink water and if it gets bad enough, take meds...though that will knock me out good.
Anonymous Youngest Child: (reading his science book) "Oh, that's why I have spit in my mouth. I always wondered why I had spit in my mouth."
Anonymous Little Sister: "Saliva, Youngest Child. Saliva."
Week three of the Education of the Anonymous Short People has begun.Though their science books are different, they run along similar tracks, so right now they are both learning about...digestion! Oh yeah, it's that exciting. What else would cause a ten-year-old to spend the entire time she was eating lunch trying to swallow holding onto her tongue (to see if she could because her book said she couldn't) and an eight-year-old to stare at a mirror saying "aaaaaahhhhhhhh" for a good five minutes in order to see his uvula (that thing that hangs down in the back of your throat that you always see when cartoon characters scream)
Scene 2:
Anonymous Youngest Child is staring out of the window instead of concentrating like a good little boy should on his lovely little math lesson.
Me: (fearing another school day iiinnnncccchhhiiinng till 4 o'clock) Youngest Child? Hey! Youngest Child! (he jumps, startled.) Can I close the curtain for you so that you don't get distracted and stare out the window?
Anonymous Youngest Child: (eyes wide in horror) No! That wouldn't help! If you did that then I would just stare at the curtain!
Anonymous Little Sister: (from across the room) Youngest Child, you are so weird.
Scene 3:
Setting: School Room/Parent's Room. Anonymous Youngest Child is working at his desk. I am sitting on the bed grading math. Anonymous Little Sister is on the floor cutting up magazines for a project about eating good food. Rain falls steadily into the flooded street in the background.
Aononymous Youngest Child: (reading his science book) "Speaking of digestion, I really need to go to the bathroom!" (he jumps up and runs out of the room. Little Sister and I exchange a Glance.)
Yes, we are still in the mysterious world of digestion. We've moved away from the mouth and are now learning all about the amazing, wonderous tube known as the small intestine, which we discovered is 23 ft. long. The large intestine is only about 7ft. long. So then we had to figure out why they gave them such misnomers...trust me, you don't want to know. But Youngest Child did. I just want to stop moving along. It's getting kind of gross. Why don't people photosynthesize?
It's still raining.
And that was just science.
Ben left today to live on his own. I miss him. He's teaching English over near Phaya Thai, about 40 minutes away from me over here in Bang Na. To get there you take a mini pickup truck down to the main road (from the soi to the thanon) and then a bus to the skytrain. Then you take the skytrain from On Nut to Phaya Thai and walk across the intersection. The whole trip costs around $1.25 (cheaper if you take an un-airconditioned bus.)
Now I have a bad headache, probably another sinus thing brought on by the nasty smog the stupid buses create. But I'll drink water and if it gets bad enough, take meds...though that will knock me out good.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
My Little Sister: Fashion Maven
My sister Jaimie is ten. If you don't know my family, she is fourth in a line of five kids, of which I am the oldest. She's pretty cute as kids go, with a killer smile. She's homeschooled, and lives in Thailand. Right now she's on a Shakespeare kick and is reading through Much Ado about Nothing. Okay, I'm sure you can see her in your mind. She's a ten year old homeschooled missionary kid living on the other side of the world who is so socially inept that she likes reading Shakespeare.
No...not hardly.
Jaimie woke up this morning and did her hair in pigtails--low ones behind her ears. She carefully let two strands hang over her face. Over that she slid on my brother's navy blue knit beanie (we live in a tropical climate, k?) and put on dark blue boot cut jeans (because she won't wear anything but boot-cut) and a crimson shirt that says "I Bite" in rhinestones. To top it off, she adds a decidely gothic choker. Where did she get that? So imagine this...a little punked out ten year old reading Shakespeare and singing Newsies songs at the top of her lungs.
Me: Jaimie, where did you learn to dress like that?
Jaimie: I made it up.
Me: No you did not. That is totally a TV look. Did you get it from a movie?
Jaimie: Nope. I made it up.
Me: Do you have friends that dress like that?
Jaimie. Nope. I made it up. I just thought it would all look cool together.
So, if anyone knows where my silly, cute sister went, let me know. Although the silly, cute, fashion maven is certainly adorable. Just a little...frightening.
No...not hardly.
Jaimie woke up this morning and did her hair in pigtails--low ones behind her ears. She carefully let two strands hang over her face. Over that she slid on my brother's navy blue knit beanie (we live in a tropical climate, k?) and put on dark blue boot cut jeans (because she won't wear anything but boot-cut) and a crimson shirt that says "I Bite" in rhinestones. To top it off, she adds a decidely gothic choker. Where did she get that? So imagine this...a little punked out ten year old reading Shakespeare and singing Newsies songs at the top of her lungs.
Me: Jaimie, where did you learn to dress like that?
Jaimie: I made it up.
Me: No you did not. That is totally a TV look. Did you get it from a movie?
Jaimie: Nope. I made it up.
Me: Do you have friends that dress like that?
Jaimie. Nope. I made it up. I just thought it would all look cool together.
So, if anyone knows where my silly, cute sister went, let me know. Although the silly, cute, fashion maven is certainly adorable. Just a little...frightening.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)