that's...life.

I get eight hours of sleep almost every night.

That's good.

No, that's bad because I'm still tired every morning.

That's bed.

No, that's good because I get ready in the morning faster when I'm tired.

That's good.

No, that's bad because I get stressed out when I move faster.

That's bad.

No, that's good because the stress helps me wake up so I can do the stuff I would have done if I had gone to bed later.

That's good.

No, that's bad because when the stress runs out, I'm really tired. I'm so tired that I talk to myself and try and reason whether or not I have a reasonable schedule or whether or not my life is good or bad.

The Glory that is 50

Over a year later, I have attained a glorious victory in blogdom.

I, esteemed visitor, have reached the 50th post.

I have carefully considered this moment of jubilee. How best to acknowledge the passage of all these words and thoughts? How best to commemorate the insight, the wit, the irregularity, and the general randomness of all that is Tiny Specks?

I thought about doing a flashback montage of the best moments of the blog, but bad 90s sit-coms kept interferring with my thoughts. I then decided to create some sort of ode hailing the epic side of the blog, but as you know, I'm not the over the top type. Finally, I debated taking a picture of myself sitting at my computer with the blog on the screen, smiling happily, but that screamed myspace, and I'm not in middle school.

So then I decided that, given the blog's history, I should simply follow tradtion and continue in the pattern which has underscored my entire blogging experience. I simply won't post at all.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. There is no 50th post. It is the gap between post 49 and this one, which is officially the 51st. All hail the little black space.

young adultness

I lost three things yesterday--my pen, my notebook, and my brain.

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. For the past few weeks, my mind has been a puddle of mushy, foggy information. I have a rehearse my day in my mind while I brush my teeth or I swear I'd forget to go to school. I might even forget to stop brushing my teeth. It's that bad.

I thought I was going mental. Seriously, who can't manage their life? My mother forgets things sometimes, but she has six other people to keep track of. I'm only a college student.

That was the epiphany. I'm only a college student. They call us "young adults" because--get this--we aren't adults yet. We're still figuring that out. I'm in the process of learning how to manage my time, prioritize my schedule, and call people back within a reasonable amount of time. (Sorry, Marc.) And for a college student, I'm doing pretty well. In fact, I think I'm even getting better at it. Pretty sweet and awesome.

I even do my laundry every other week.

Defying Gravity

I recently signed up for Yahoo's Music Unlimited, and one of the treasures I've found is the soudtrack to Wicked, the greatest musical I have ever seen.

I've always wanted to fly, and this song, well, I'd like to be able to have you hear it, because it totally strikes a chord in my heart.

Elphaba:
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda:
Can't I make you understand, you're having delusions of grandeur...?

Elphaba:
I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But 'till I try, I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love - I guess I have lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down...

Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could do - together.

Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been, Glinda,
Dreams the way we planned 'em

Glinda:
If we work in tandem

Both:
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

...

Elphaba:
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately -
Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me -

Tell them how I
Am defying gravity!
I'm flying high
Defying gravity!
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

I know I'm copping out of a real post, but what the heck. It is my favorite song right now. So sue me. Isn't it a lovely song?

what drives YOU?

In case you were wondering about those resolutions, I did two loads of laundry today. And, uh, a paper that is kind of due in about ten hours...

I learned today that Newton was an idiot. Yes, that Newton. Apple on the head "whoops, gravity" Newton. As a small child, I always wondered what people thought when apples fell before. I mean, it took until the reinassance for people to notice that things fall when dropped? Seriously, I'd give more credit to humankind that that.

Anyway, today I discovered that this brilliant physicist, inventor of gravity, finder of the laws of motion and lauded as the father of classical mechanics, died of mercury poison. Why?

He spent most of his life trying to turn iron into gold.

Oh well. At least his cookies are good.

Ballet Slippers

Today I danced again. I love dancing. I love the satisfying ache of hard work that goes with accomplishment. I love the way ballet combines graceful beauty and iron strength.

I also love modern plumbing's amazing gift: the hot bath.

Labor Day

This is America:

We create a holiday to celebrate the working public, the remnants of that good ole Puritan work ethic, and capitalist pride across the nation.

Then we give everyone the day off.

The September Resolutions

As a teacher in the making, the New Year begins not in January, but in September. Therefore, this is the time of the resolution, and I have decided to make a few. And so, without furthur ado, the September Resolutions:

1) Inasmuch (a wonderful word, no?) that it depends on me, I shall blog regularly. Discipline is necessary to one living a scheduled life, and writing is good for my mind and occasionally, my heart. Journalling really isn't an option for me, as I have no penchant for writer's cramp. My mom blames this on the fact that I cannot hold my pencil correctly; I blame it on the fact that I have a low pain tolerance in my hands. You should see me when I have a hangnail.

2) Procrastination is not an option. All reading and assignments will be done at least two days before they are due. That is, as soon as all my books arrive from the mysterious world of cyberspace. Of course, there are a few quid pro quos pertaining to trivial distractions like death and disease, but I'll spare you the details.

3) I will only worry about one thing every day. Once I have worried about it sufficiently, I will stop worrying and not worry again until the next day. I considered vowing not to worry at all, but imediately began to fret over whether or not such a thing would be possible, and realized that by making such a promise, I should break it every day by simply worrying that I would break it, and the point of resolutions is not torture. Well, usually.

4) I will read books that aren't related to school. I think the lack of well-written fiction in my life has been the primary factor in the decline of my writing, both in skill and volume. When I do not read, I am less curious, less motivated to think, and less happy. In truth, reading prevents me from being a rather dull, spiritless individual.

5) I will take everything in moderation. Including moderation.

There you have it. The five resolutions of an elementary teacher in training. And there was much rejoicing. Woot.