Running

I have a desire to run until my heart explodes and I fall completely unable to move. To completely expend myself and then to lie facedown on the ground, the night around me, and the cold air filling my tired lungs.

I don't know why.

Do I run to or from? Sometimes both. Sometimes I want to run away and away, never looking back, always pressing on. But I can't. There is a voice in the center of my head that quietly commands, "Go back, Anna. Sit down." just as I press my hands to the door. If I try to ignore that, there is an audible voice and very real hands that won't let me run. Sometimes I just want to bolt.

Other times I want to run toward something. I want to pursue, and to be chased, all at once. I want to run till my heart explodes. And I want to fly too. I want to leap around like a child in the backyard catching fireflies until bedtime. 'Cept my fireflies are joy and peace and love and hope and Jesus.

But really, I don't know why. I just want to run until I can't.